


aubade

by orphan_account



Category: The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Family, Gen, Inspired by Poetry, Poetry, Self-Reflection, Traditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5764369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the first time in his life, he sees morning dawn.</p>
            </blockquote>





	aubade

Nico's eyes snap open in the dark of the Hades cabin. He immediately slips out of his bed, putting on his sword belt and grabbing a pair of battered sneakers before quietly padding to the door of the cabin. He eases it open and pulls on his shoes before closing the door behind him and scrabbling up to the roof. It's still dark outside, but that's why he does this. While he's at Camp, it's one of his only chances for solitude. He breathes in, taking in the calm and the silence, the feeling of a world where it's just him. He needs this peace now, before he continues with the rest of his day. Interacting with people isn't his strong suit--it likely never will be.

Nico sits on the roof of his cabin and waits for sunrise. He thinks it might be time to continue a half-remembered tradition, one that came from his mother and continued through Bianca. After she died, he couldn't see the point in doing it anymore. But it's more than time for a change. He opens his mouth to speak out loud the words he memorised years ago. This was Bianca's favourite poem, the one she saved for special occasions and days that needed to be good. He wonders, idly, if this is its own sort of magic.

" _I do not know where either of us can turn_

_Just at first, waking from the sleep of each other._ "

He thinks fondly of Hazel, still asleep in their cabin, her hair laid out across her pillow, her face completely obscured. She has a presence in the cabin that makes it seem better, more like somewhere he can live. She's comforting, and his only regret is that Bianca never got to meet her. He thinks of maybe, one day in the future, waking Hazel up just before dawn, so they can both recite a poem in the quiet moments as the world begins to awaken. He feels like she'd appreciate it. 

" _I do not know how we can bear_

_The river struck by the gold plummet of the moon,_

_Or many trees shaken together in the darkness._ "

He thinks of Bianca, and his mother. He still doesn't remember much of the latter, but that doesn't stop him from missing her, the faintest memory of a voice, of lace. And he'll always miss Bianca. He'll miss her for the rest of his life, an ache in his chest, but this is familiar now. And he knows now what he didn't know earlier--it's okay for him to miss Bianca. That ache in his chest might always exist, but it doesn't need to dominate his entire life. Sometimes still, in quiet moments like this, he thinks of Bianca; he can almost see her warm eyes. He wonders what it would be like, if she hadn't died, and then stops thinking about it, because her death shaped him so profoundly that he can't imagine an existence where she didn't die. Not anymore. On occasion, it's still too hard for him to bear, but it seems fitting, that the first time he continues their tradition, it's in her honour. A proper way to memorialise her, himself and the morning and the words she loved so much.

" _We shall wish not to be alone_

_And that love were not dispersed and set free—_

_Though you defeat me,_

_And I be heavy upon you._ " 

He breathes in deeply, thinks of Hazel again. He's glad he has her, glad his father has let her live. He knows himself well enough to know that he'd be in a much darker place without Hazel. The two of them exist apart from other demigods, and it's so good to feel a part of something, to still have some vestige of family. And she is family, of that much he is sure. She will not replace Bianca--no one ever will, but she takes up a spot in his heart all the same. She's his most important obligation now, and he is so grateful to his father, although he'll never be able to express it. He'll defend her to his last breath, the sister he didn't ask for, but the one he needed anyway. She is bright to his dark, but a Hades child all the same. Like him, she's made decisions, and ended up older than her years. Like him, she exists in a world that has continued on without her, a demigod out of time. Next time, he will sit up here with her, and they'll do this together.

" _But like earth heaped over the heart_

_Is love grown perfect._

_Like a shell over the beat of life_

_Is love perfect to the last._ "

He thinks of his father, who is trying harder now, to act as a real father. Perhaps it isn't the most ideal of relationships, but his father treats him as an equal rather than a child, and he appreciates it. He thinks he would go insane treated as a child--he hasn't been a child for years and years now. His relationship with his father started out so badly, but it's so much better now. He knows now, that in his own way, Hades does love him. And Nico knows as well that he has it better than most demigod children. His father acknowledges him; his father tells him secrets and important information. His father trusts in Nico enough to let him occasionally share in his duties. It's not a perfect relationship, but Nico doesn't think he'd have it any other way. 

" _So let it be the same_

_Whether we turn to the dark or to the kiss of another;_

_Let us know this for leavetaking,_

_That I may not be heavy upon you,_

_That you may blind me no more._ "

Nico lets the last of the words fade into the air before jumping off the roof to continue on with his day, feeling lighter than he has in years, heading towards a new beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem is Louise Bogan's Leave-Taking, an aubade published in 1922.  
> I was having Nico feels and so I wrote this in the course of an hour.


End file.
